


Imagine Dean finding a diary containing all your self-hatred thoughts that you just can’t say aloud, and telling you you’re wrong about yourself.

by kimstheworst



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Hugs, Low Self Esteem, One Shot, Reader-Insert, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1574756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimstheworst/pseuds/kimstheworst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Repost from my tumblr</p></blockquote>





	Imagine Dean finding a diary containing all your self-hatred thoughts that you just can’t say aloud, and telling you you’re wrong about yourself.

You were out on an emergency supply run as you were completely out of breakfast type things and, thus, had left the boys alone in the bunker. Dean walked into your bedroom looking for you.

“Y/N?” he asked to the empty room. Just peeking out from under your mattress he spied your journal, all mahogany colored leather and weathered at the corners. How many times had he seen you scribbling in the thing after a hunt? How many times had he asked to see what you were writing and every time you had refused him. Now was his chance. 

 

Looking back and forth down the hall to check the coast was clear he took one big (what he thought of as) non chalant step into your room, inching closer and closer to the just visible tome. Finally he batted it onto the floor.

“Whoops! Oh my god, how did that happen? I guess I better pick it up.” Dean picked up your journal, had just settled onto your bed and cracked the thing open when he heard a familiar voice from the doorway.

“Dean, what are you doing in Y/N’s room?” said Sam

“Uhhhh…”

“Are you reading her diary?”

“I think she’d appreciate it if you’d call it a journal.”

“You shouldn’t do that.”

“Already doing it.”

“She is going to kick your ass.”

Dean smiled from ear to ear, his eyes alight with mischief. “I don’t care.”

“You are a child.”

Sam turned to leave Dean to his snooping.

“And here is an entry on Sam Winchester.”

Sam hurried back to Dean and grabbed the book from Dean.

“What did she say? What did she say? What did she say?”

Dean ripped the book back from Sammy.

“Probably something about you being the gassiest person she’s ever met.”

Dean started reading: “Sam Winchester is one of the best hunters I’ve ever had the privilege to work beside. More than that though, the guy’s been dealt a raw deal so many times, you’d expect him to be cynical, hard and uncaring, but it’s just makes him try harder. He’s been the victim so many times, but he keeps trying. He keeps going. He does his best and more in impossible circumstances.”

“That’s really nice to hear.”

“Oh, there’s more” Dean continued: “Also, he’s a good hugger if a bit of a suffocater. 

“And he sheds like crazy, though I don’t think he can pull off short hair anymore.

“He says ‘so, get this’ a lot. A LOT a lot.

“And he doesn’t really know how to dress for his height, but it’s gotta be tou…

“Okay! I get it.” interrupted Sam. “What did she write about you? Can’t carry a tune? Constantly saying ‘awesome’? Watches crap television?”

“You leave Dr. Sexy out of this!”

Dean leafs through it looking for any mention of his name. “Okay, here’s something.: ‘Dean takes too much responsibility for everything that happens, true some of the awful things in the boys’ past may have been avoided if he were more upfront and truthful about certain things, but it’s more likely that they would’ve found a way to happen anyways, what with life being the total fucking nightmare it is. But Dean always tries to do his best with the information he has. And maybe he is afraid to be alone, but who isn’t? I mean that’s why I’m here, now, isn’t it? Okay, maybe I’m not the best example for this, because when it comes down to it, it’s not that I’m afraid to be alone. It’s that I’m afraid to be away from Dean. I just feel better when he’s around.

“But, it’s stupid, you know. It’s really fucking stupid. It’s stupid that I have a crush on Dean Winchester. I’m a grown ass fucking warrior woman big bad hunter and I’ve got it bad for a pretty faced guy with gorgeous green eyes and the spiky hair that looks all cute and stuff when he’s been sleeping and…Ugh!

“It’s embarrassing and impossible and it’s never going to happen. Look at him and look at me. It just…things like that…outside of movies and tv…it’s not happening. Sure, proximity makes the heart grow fonder, but…no. There are limits. The way he looks at me, it’s not love, it’s not lust, it’s not infatuation. It’s annoyance. 

“Why do I have to open my big mouth all the time? Why do I always have to have the last word? Why do I always have to make everything about myself? I’m just a fucking selfish, childish kid with a crush on an older man who will never think of me that way. What the hell is my damage?

“And I’m not good. I’m not good enough. And I’m not enough. Not for Dean. Not for anyone. And I never will be.” 

At some point, Dean had stopped reading out loud and had continued in silence, the entry too personal and painful for actual sound.

“Dude, are you okay?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sniffled Dean, wiping away a tear. “Let’s um…let’s put this away.”

 

Dean went to shove it back under the mattress, when from down the hall they heard

“Hey you guyyyysssss!!!” heralding your return from your grocery store expedition. “Where you at?”

“Coming!” Sam yelled. Dean hit him, because now you would surely know that they were in your room and sure enough, you appeared in the doorway.

“Guys, whaaaaaatt are you doing in my room?”

Sam scrambled for something to say while Dean just looked at you, on the verge of some emotional crumbling. What the fuck had you missed on your food run?

“What, threadcount are your sheets, we were wondering, because ours are kind of scratchy and sheets are good for sleeping in and bed things.” said Sam failing to cover for whatever was actually going on.

Just then, you spotted the root of the what-the-fuckery that had currently intruded into your same-old-same-old. Your journal was not in the place you had left it. Not in the exact place anyway. Which to you meant it might as well be on the moon. This was your room and you noticed when things were out of place.

“Oh fuck.” You said as realization and embarrassment washed over you. 

They had read your journal, your diary, your very sad handwritten book. There were things written in there that while not being mean might not have been what Sam and Dean would like to have read about themselves. Were they angry? 

Oh god. Did they read the really dark shit? What they must think of you now. The annoyance they must feel to have to drag around your sad sack ass. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.

Then something truly surprising happened. Dean looked at you with tears in his eyes. (Oh my god. TEARS.) He stepped forward and pulled you into the warmest, tightest hug you’d ever felt. Not suffocating like some hugs can be (Sorry, Sam), but safe and warm and perfect. He held you for a few seconds and after the initial shock you hugged him back. 

“You are more than enough.” 

You looked up into his impossibly green eyes and matched his tears with a few of your own.

“Don’t you ever let yourself think that you’re not.”

Sam looked on, but it wasn’t too awkward.

Dean kissed you, soft at first, testing the waters, then deeper. Your hands found the back of his head.

And then it was too awkward for Sam.

“I should go put the groceries away! Yes that is what I am going to do.”

After a while kissing gave way to just holding. And holding gave way to sleep. And for the moment, neither of you were alone. And both of you were enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from my tumblr


End file.
